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sexybecky
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Name: becca
Birthday: 5/24/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: laughing, sleeping, eating, music and yall no every ting else
Expertise: listening to all your problems and bein myself
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  kgtiger4ever
Member Since:
3/23/2003
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| I wonder... can I do it? should I just give up? --- sooo tiresome | | |
| Often times, one will feel alone. However, these are the people that have yet to realize how many people would care if they but asked or told. Not only that, there are many people trying to share their happiness with others, why not take part?
We are never really as alone as we want to think ourselves.
What is it that will draw us into depression? Is it self pity? The replay over and over again of the words, “I am so alone”, “Nobody loves me” “I have no purpose” “ I am So sad” …
We feel these things because this is what we tell ourselves. Because we repeat those words over and over in our heads. Instead we should say, “I am not alone”, “ I am loved”, “I have a purpose”, “ I am not sad” .
Isn’t it funny how we feel so incredibly sorry for ourselves, even though, our lives could be a lot worse than they are now.
It seems to me that a lot of times, we do not see beyond our own box. People that take shooting and killing people so lightly because they are what? Angry that someone talked shit about them? I wonder that they say it so easily, “I’m going to shoot you.” Because they cannot see beyond themselves. I pity them because their world is so small.
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| THE SAFE ROOM
It was war.
I could hear the screams, the crashes, the explosions, the dying. I could hear pieces of debris hitting the outside of the walls of my safe room.
I shook with fear. Wishing I had the courage to open the door to maybe let others in. But I couldn’t. I could only cower in the corner of the impenetrable box that I was in too afraid to do anything. I ask myself now, if I had just let even one person in, I wouldn’t be alone right now.
I’m still not sure how long it was before everything became silent. Time, gets distorted when there is no way of keeping track of it.
By the time I opened the door of the safe room. It had been maybe a couple days of silence, or to me, my days where I slept and awoke, before I finally had to see what was outside.
Nothing.
The sky was dark, the smell was acrid. I gagged at the smell of the rotting bodies of the torn and dead.
I walked around trying to see if anyone else had survived.
It only took a very few moments before I realized that no one else had. They could not have. Shortly after this realization, also came the understanding that, I was utterly alone. Because of my cowardice and fear, no one else had survived. Because of me, no one was saved. And because of that, I was alone.
At that point I froze.
What was the point of living. What had been the point of me surviving on my own, for myself if there was nothing. One cannot live on with nothing. Where there are no people no hope no world no dream. Without anything there is no life. There is only self.
My thoughts were in turmoil, my fear, only increasing. Wouldn’t it have been better to die with everyone else rather than living alone?
And yet, I was too scared of death to even consider dying on my own.
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This is something that I wrote out of anger, or maybe even a little sadness.
I have read this over and over, thinking about it and I have also come to the realization that I think this is something that I fear. Not the being alone and dying, but more, the whole selfish cowardice of myself to let this happen, even in my anger or fear.
But if you think about it, in a situation such as the one above, who would open the door? I fear now, not being able to open the door.
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| Here's another thought.... why is it that people fear rejection.... from friends... family... strangers even.. is it because of human nauture... or is it because of the way society has made us afraid to be the odd one, or the loner, or the one without a group... .i mean... why can't i bring myself to say hi to an old friend that doesn't seem to recognize me... okay maybe to save myself the embarassment... but what if she recognized me too but was afraid that i didn't recognize her.. And also embarassment for one thing.... why must we get embarassed? ... so what if my sock has a hole in it.... so , there's a hole in it, ..... People tease... why? because its funny.... to point at someone and make a "smooth" remark about their failure to realize their fly was open..... * i hate embarassment, and the act of and the effects of it why? because it just sucks... * anyways on a brighter not *
UNNI !!! I MISS YOU .... OKAY!! ~~ so don't feel lke we don't back here.. have fun.... but don't go too crazy ;) | | |
| isn't it funny how unfair life can be? .. such as work for instance... you work hard, and you work hard, and then you work even harder, .... but is all that work worth it ? No matter what, you never get credit ... not only that, even at home, ... you try so hard to be nice or to help out, or to do whatever you can to make whoever's life easier, but in the end all your doing is making yourself even more tired then you were before. ... Never the less despite what you might feel, you can't go out and relfect that feeling towards others, because what have they done to deserve this mood from you. So you put on a brave face, ... like nothing s wrong, that nothings bothering you or that everything is perfectly fine. . But in truth, its not... and all these hard feelings are bottled up and you force them to stay that way until you achieve a feeling of nothing, ... apathy? .
Then after a while, you start to think, when will all of this pay off. ... and that if you are doing this, why try if you do it without the willingness to serve others? As a christian, how far will you be able to go , to do good things with a good heart...
There's a friend,that smokes, ... she says that lung cancer has been in her family for two generations, her mom knows, and talks to her... she says that she thought it would never happen to her, but it did, ... she's hooked and i know that its slowly killing her inside...
There's also beauty, the physical aspects of a person.. how is it that the ugliest person on the inside can have the most beautiful face on the outside? and how is that the most beautiful person on the inside could have a not so pretty face on the outside.. why does the first thing that a person sees is the outer beatuy or absense of. And also why does it matter so much. Why do i look in the mirror, do my hair, pick out my cloths and care if someone gives me a compliment or not? ... If you think about it, are eyes really that necessary? most of the time the only thing it does is to create tensions and prejudices like racism.But then again,... eyes are one of the most expressive instruments a person has to express ones feelings... *sigh *
Just thoughts that i've had today >> | | |
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